Oster

It has been a year since we packed up our lives in Denton and prepared for a new adventure. It has been a year of unexpected change and growth. In August it will be a year since we took our city kids and moved them to a small mountain town. We left a life neatly packed in a storage unit that we hoped we could return for soon. It has been almost a year since we left almost everything and everyone we knew behind.

In all of this I have had conversations with God. Some "conversations" were more that of a 2 year old throwing a temper-tantrum as I stomped my feet, yelled and cried about just how unfair life is. I appreciate that so much about my God. He is much more of a patient parent than I am. I am pretty sure that He is tired of telling me the same thing, wondering when I will ever get it through my thick skull. Some days I am certain He just looks at me, shakes his head and chuckles, others He wants to give me a high five... to the face... with a chair. Then there are the days that He shows me simple reminders or proves to me once again, He knew about the obstacle before I did, and He made a way through or around them.

I became part of a step family as an adult. I have only met my Step-mother once, and I have not met any of her children, other than the 2 sisters that I grew up with. She seems like a very kind and loving woman and I am sad that my relationship with her is filtered through the nonexistent relationship with my dad. My step-father on the other hand seemed to step up when my dad made relationship difficult. My kids have spent summers with him and my mom on the farm. He has 3 sons, 2 that I have met, spent time with, I know their names. We did not grow up together and our relationship is limited. We are all adults, we do our own things, we have our own lives.

I now have step-children. It is a bizarre thing, knowing of, praying for and loving children, who are not "yours", that you know you may never meet, and if you do meet them, knowing that they may not want to have a relationship with you. It is hard to navigate how to choose interaction. That is complicated by what relationships they have or have not had with their dad. I reflect here on the relationship I have with my step-mother, and...

We are a blended family. That is new to 6 out of 8 of us. While I have step-families, and so does my husband, I would in no way say that I have I ever been part of a "blended" family.  In my home currently there are 6 children, whom I love with my whole heart. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for any of them if time and money were never an issue. Here they would all chime in, "you won't bail us out of jail." They are right, I won't. As I type this there are 6 children navigating a situation that they didn't choose, that as an adult I don't know how to navigate most days. We have had our moments. Some of our ups and downs have made me ponder how it would ever work. "I hate this, I don't want my own siblings let alone new ones!"  "Just remember he was my dad first!" The pain in their eyes and voices palpable. You see in order for this something beautiful to be, something else was broken. There are 6 children in my home who have lost bits or chunks of their childhood dealing with adult things. Now we ask of them this one more thing, make space and build relationships. Along with the hard hurtful moments there have been soft tender moments that I hope I never forget. Yesterday as they bickered among themselves, and worked it out, (and nearly drove me crazy) I couldn't help but think, this is it we have done it! We are a BLENDED Family. I don't know how many of you have ever sat and stared intently at a blender while it was running, but it is a really good word picture for how some of this has felt.

Then there is God with his gentle reminders. A good part of the spring the men/boys (the girls would protest "we helped too!" Ummm...) at our home have been clearing land and building fences. They used some of the logs that they cleared for fence posts.  These logs had been trees. In the way, they were cut down, stripped down and cut into usable sizes and moved. As my husband showed this "post" to our children they all said various things that struck me. The post had rooted and was becoming a tree again. There was concern about what would happen to the fence as the tree grew. Even as I type this and replay the conversations in my head I know that there is much to learn from this tree. God giving me yet another gentle reminder that we can see very hard things; everything we know can change; we can be stripped down to nothing, but in that God is still able to move. He is still able to help us grow. God is able give us new life. He is able to make us whole again. This tree will always have the scars left from being cut down, it won't be what it once was, but it will be something beautiful.

My family, we are everything I see in this tree. 

Southwest Airlines/Wells Fargo adventures...

It has been a stressful few days and I though I would share my fun, just in case any of you should find yourselves in a similar situation.

On Friday I opened up my Southwest Airlines mobile app in order to book a flight. This has become a regular occurrence and I should have known better from the beginning. The reservation that I make, every month has to be completed online. It doesn't seem to phase me though, every month I try to do it from my phone. I was in town on Friday when for my first attempt, just after I had deposited the required funding into my Wells Fargo account. I am always afraid the price is going to jump and I won't be able to make the purchase, so like a fool I opened up the app. I am sure that here is a lesson in walking in faith instead of fear... clearly a lesson I am still trying to learn.

Second attempt. I got home and sat down at the computer and typed in all the required information. I successfully made it through the first screen, the second screen and was well into the 3 page and just about to complete my transaction when I clicked the wrong button and was sent back to the first page. No, just as I had feared, the price had jumped by $140. In a panic because I didn't have and extra $140 lying around I called Southwest.

The representative that I was speaking with was very friendly, and understanding, but "fares change all of the time" and there was not really that much that she could do for me. She was kind and as helpful as she could be and set up a new reservation that would still cost me $65 more, but that seemed way more manageable, and there was money in one account that should have just enough to cover it all. This should have been my first clue that something was wrong. My card was declined. Thinking maybe I had just done the math wrong I split the payment between 2 bank accounts and secured my reservation. I sighed a deep sigh of relief, I had my reservation confirmation and everything was set. I hung up the phone and then a text came in.

I have my Wells Fargo account alerts set so that over-drafting the account is next to impossible.  My I had breached my balance threshold. In came another text. My account was overdrawn the amount of a plane ticket. To my horror I opened up my bank account to see that there were 2 charges from Southwest. I frantically checked my email. I only had confirmation that the flight was booked once. I had never made it through the complete reservation process on my second attempt and hadn't even made it to the payment screen on my first attempt. Yet there in my bank account there was proof I had multiple reservations.

Now hold times with southwest can be insanely long. From the 2nd attempt to  make a purchase and my conversation with the Southwest rep I had spent 30 minutes on hold. This by the way did nothing for my fear that the price was going to go up yet again, or even worse, the 3 tickets that were left would be gone. So I opened up my Southwest app again and had a chat conversation with Sue. Sue was able to confirm that there was indeed 2 itineraries with the same information. She was great though, she saved the day canceling the more expensive flight and sending me the confirmation information for the second flight. No one can really explain how it happened. The time stamps from the bank are the same, and that makes me think that the second reservation pushed the first one through. Not that any of that matters as Southwest was quick to resolve this issue.

I set the phone down and walked into the kitchen to give my husband an update. He said something along the lines of you'll feel better until you find out how long it will take to get a refund. That thought had not even crossed my mind! This would lead to a round of chatting and phone calls. The estimated refund time, 10-30 days. I called Wells Fargo and started a dispute. I was told by the phone banker that there would be a temporary credit and refund all overdraft charges, and that rather then 10-30 days it would take 1-10 to get the issue resolved. This was welcomed news. On to the the next bank. They were kind, but stated that without a hold release letter, since Southwest has started the refund processes, I would just have to sit and wait. I chatted and called south west yet again. In my chat conversation I was told to call. When I called I sat on hold once again forever only to be told I needed to speak with someone in the corporate office and they closed in for the weekend in 20 minutes. My estimated hold time was 28 minutes... I called it quits for the weekend.

I watched the bank accounts like a hawk all weekend long. Wells Fargo hadn't issued a credit. There were still bills to pay, mouths to feed, and gas tanks to fill. Needless to say, I was a mess. To add to the fun Kid number 2 had fundraising funds coming in to the Wells Fargo account. Again here is where I am clear the lesson I am learning is about trusting that God has it all under control. Better control that I will ever have. I am also certain that I will keep having opportunities to grow in this area, until I figure it out.

Monday I woke early to the sound of bank notifications. Wells Fargo still had not issued a temporary credit and now there was an overdraft fee. I resumed the phone calls. The first to Southwest corporate offices. Once again, hold times were stupid, but the level of care, understanding and professionalism shown was amazing. The agent let me know that if you are in the call cue before they close for they day, they stay until the all of the calls have been answered. The representative explained a few more things, like the refund systems and that at most the refund would take 3 days. She put me on a hold for a minute and worked her magic for one bank account and then said for the Wells Fargo account it might be better to wait the 3 days. I couldn't see that the charge was a pending transaction any more and she didn't want to do anything on her end that might slow the refund down. By the time I got off of the phone with her funds were back in one bank account.

I called Wells Fargo. They waived the overdraft fee and stated that is all they could do until the charge wasn't pending any more. What? I called Southwest back and got a hold release letter. Here I want to point out the professionalism. I am sure that the representative could see when Southwest had released the hold. She could have said take this up with your bank, their dumb. Instead she gave me everything she could to resolve this issue while apologizing for my experience. With the hold release from sitting in my email I called Wells Fargo back. I explained to the the Wells Fargo representative what the situation and asked how to send the hold release letter in. The representative let me know there was no need for the letter. Southwest had released the funds on Saturday and I just needed to wait for the banking system to update at midnight.

Yes, yes you all read that correctly. SOUTHWEST RELEASED THE HOLD ON SATURDAY and on MONDAY MORNING WELLS FARGO WAS CHARGING ME OVERDRAFT FEES and MAKING ME WAIT UNTIL TUESDAY TO PUT THE MONEY BACK IN MY ACCOUNT. The overdraft fee, by the way, was attached to a gas purchase made on Wednesday. Wednesday, a full 2 days before the fiasco ensued.

Tuesday at 4 am, the funds were finally back in my account. I was relieved and yet still angry. I couldn't help but wonder, if I hadn't filed the dispute would I have just had to eat that overdraft fee? I also can't help but wonder how it was legal that the the hold was released by Southwest but Wells Fargo was holding it and then charging me fees. I was also left wondering how many times this has happened to others. I would close the Wells Fargo account completely after this experience, but living in a small mountain town, my banking choices are limited.

I walk away from all of that learning the following:
There is something to being diligent but letting go and letting God... I need to work on that.
Southwest customer service is stellar and worth every minute of hold time. (The last Southwest representative told me to avoid hold times reach out to them on social media platforms like Twitter and Facebook. That made me laugh.)
Wells Fargo will hold money out of your account and charge you insufficient funds fees. Filing a dispute and the first sign of an issue may be the only way to avoid paying those fees.

Perspective isn't truth or fact...

Over the past few days I have come across a few Facebook posts that got under my skin a bit and I am taking a moment to blog about one of them, mainly in hopes that they just stop rolling around in my head.

"When someone no longer has need of you, it is then that you will see their true colors."

Now I have seen this quote or one similar to it half a dozen times. It hasn't ever really bothered me before. For the most part I see the truth in it. Yes, there are people who will be friendly as long as they are taking something from you. Once they have drained from you what they can, they are gone. We have all come across that issue and we hope to avoid it in the future.

This last time I read it though it really bothered me. What if, you were still needed? What if by your own actions you pushed them away? Could someone's true colors just be them standing up for themselves?

... and then I had a conversation with my husband. I so appreciate our differences in perspective. Even more so I appreciate that we can have a conversation about those perspectives. I love that he will help guide me through what was really bothering me about the statement.

That isn't want the quote is even about though, my husband pointed out. I argued, from the perspective of the poster, maybe they weren't in the wrong. To which my husband lovingly pointed out, perspective isn't truth or fact. 

 He is right. You can and should set boundaries and when you do and people don't respect them, you get to choose how to live in that moment. Do you walk away? Do you offer more opportunity? The perspective on the person who violates the boundaries maters not.

So then what about forgiveness? How many times do I forgive someone who continually crosses clear set boundaries? The answer, as often as I allow them to cross the boundaries. That does not mean that I leave myself in the position to allow them to cross the boundaries. If you were building a house and someone came along in a bulldozer and started tearing it down, you would stop them.

Setting boundaries is healthy and good. That doesn't mean everyone is going to like your boundaries and it doesn't mean that everyone is going to respect your boundaries. The opinions of others do not mean that you are wrong or a bad guy for having boundaries. Let them say what they will.

Object Lessons - Taking the Next Step

When I was little on Sunday the kids would be dismissed from the adult service to go to Sunday school. They would call the kids up to the front of the church, we would sit in a circle around someone who gave us a 5 minute object lesson. Then we would all head down stairs for Sunday school. As a middle school student I can remember teaching a few of those object lessons. Those lesson were always my favorite. I still remember a lot of them. As an adult I love that God still gives me those little lessons, they are still my favorite.

As often happens my husband and I found ourselves with time to kill during the kid shuffle. You know that time that isn't really long enough to accomplish anything before you pick up or drop of one kid just so that you can do it again with another kid. We decided to explore a cave that we had driven by at least a dozen times. We did not have enough time to really explore, just long enough to make it to the back of what was easily accessible.

The first thing I realized. We were not prepared. I need to keep the camera with me at all times. Headlamps are much more useful in that situation the cellphone flashlights. Oh dear sweet Jesus I am so out of shape. Also, there is a confidence that I had as a child that I no longer have. There was a time that I had no fear of loose rocks or falling... I wonder where that confidence has gone. My guess is that I lost it about the time I became afraid of getting hurt. My husband says he doesn't think I am afraid of getting hurt as much as I am aware of the amount of pain just walking across the room can case. I think he is probably right.

As we had reached the back of the cave we climbed a few little rocks and then up onto a bolder so that we could see farther into the cave. Again, not prepared appropriately this is where we stopped. It was the step from the last two smaller rocks and onto the bolder that God would use as the object lesson I am about to share with you.

I stepped up onto one rock and took a step to the next. It shook beneath my foot and I became afraid to take the next step up onto the bolder. I had my cellphone in one hand for a light, but could not see anywhere to put my free hand to brace for the next step. I stood there frozen in fear. I was about to fall and brake something, probably me, but my fear was more for my phone. I tried to look around, but the more I moved, the harder it was to keep my balance. Stacy was just a couple of steps in front of me. He looked back and asked what was wrong. "I can't move!" I don't think I shouted it, but I was in a bit of a panic. He always seems calm when I am freaking out. He told me to just take a step. I tried to calmly explain why that wasn't possible. Again, I'm not sure that I expressed my self as calmly as I hoped. Just reach up, he said. The cave ceiling was so close that if I had stood strait up I would have hit my head on it. I didn't know that though. I did what he said, and was able to regain my footing and move forward.

We saw as far as we could see, looked in all the cool little crevices and then headed back to the front of the cave where we had parked. We got in the car and drove off to do the kid shuffle. I thanked him for handling that situation how he did, for not yelling at me for being afraid or treating me like I was dumb. That is not how he has ever handled any situation with me, but I may of some baggage. He simply thanked me for trusting him.

It was easy for me to trust him. Why wouldn't it be? He had gone farther into the cave than I had. He had made it past those two rocks. He could also see what I could not. I had a limited view of my situation. He could see it all.

...and that is where God gave me an object lesson.

For the last few weeks we have been talking about God making a way where there seems to be no way and we have watched Him make a way where there was not. We had been, and if I am honest, I still am struggling to see how some of our hearts desires are going to come to pass. In the natural there seems to be no way. Here is the thing though, God sees our situation, he knows it better than we do. He can see what I can not. My view is limited, His is not. I just have to trust Him, listen to Him, and take the next step.